Why I'm absolutely furious at Elon Musk and X

After it's announced that blocked users will become unblocked and this very site turns a bit creepy, is it time to leave all social media for good and just exist in the - gasp - real world?

When I posted “‘you're smart’”. Only doing 10k but would have done anything for the visor. Just realized my colours are a bit Aussie #MTNmarathon2022 #MTNmarathon”, nearly two years ago on X from Uganda one morning, I thought nothing of it.

The post on the platform then known as Twitter was accompanied by a photo of myself wearing green bike pants that came to my knees, turquoise runners, and a sun-coloured yellow visor and matching marathon vest that I’d just been gifted. “You’re smart” is what Ugandans say to people - particularly mzungus (or whites) - when they think that they look fancy. Green and gold are Australia’s national colours.

What was I supposed to wear for a long run - a ball gown? I was back in the country where I’d previously lived for several years for a while, had gotten back into my running, and was really happy to be doing a 10k event.

Only a couple of hours later, when I had finished and looked at my phone again, I saw that the photo had been liked 1.3k times. Unbelievably also, my photo had been manipulated, cropped and reposted by some male users, I’d received a barrage of sleazy comments (oh sorry “compliments”), the nicest ones calling me a “camel toe”, and some other very charming replies.

I had not expected any of this - but then I had. In fact I remarked only to someone later “I should have known”. Yes I know that one of the angles of the photo was unflattering and that my bike pants were tight, but that’s what Lycra is and do trillions around the world not wear it to run? What woman wants to be called a “camel toe” publicly??

I spent a large part of the weekend and the whole of the next week trying to have all these comments taken down by X - to the point where I had to tell some editors that I couldn’t hand in work that was due because I was that upset about it and so busy blocking people. Nearly two years later some are still up, despite me repeatedly asking the site to take them down.

This is not the only time this has happened. Last year in the UK I spent another weekend being harassed and the comments were just as vicious although it had involved me posting an innocent link to a story (that I did not write) about the country. An anti-gay law had just been passed in Uganda and the atmosphere was very toxic.

“F*** me, I saw the responses to the article you posted,” a British male friend who also lived in the country messaged me on X that day. “Some responses ... F*** sake.”

Given this, it’s needless to say that I was furious to be informed just last week by another writer on here, Kay Stratton, that the hundreds and hundreds of people I have blocked on the platform - I’m going to be honest it’s mainly Ugandan men and it’s mainly for misogyny and homophobia, part of that’s down to the fact that I have a following from there but then part of it isn’t - will soon be unblocked and allowed to view my posts! And others from elsewhere of course.

Sadly, it’s one of the reasons that I would not live there full-time again or for a long amount of time. After all, if the online sexual harassment that comes from a place is so bad, why would you want to go there permanently?

Having said that, when I look at my experiences working and spending chunks of time in South Africa, another country that is sadly known for femicide, I wonder why I’m not subject to the same sexual harassment, on and offline, from South Africans? Is femicide and sexual harassment not mutually exclusive? (People who are experts in this field or who have spent a lot of time in Africa, please tell me your thoughts).

Of course I understand that there is a certain type of privilege in saying “I’ve had it, I’m out of here.” It’s something that many of them don’t have and can’t do unfortunately.

And what I’ve experienced is just a taste of what Ugandan women put up with I know. Every. Single. Day.

Running in Uganda in happier times.

I will write more about Uganda later. (Yes, it’s a country with a stunning landscape and friendly and kind people and it will always be like a home to me. But surprise, two things can be true at once; it’s also not a pleasant place for women these days. I’m also the first to admit that I don’t always get things right, but why should any one have to put up with harassment and why wouldn’t you speak out about it if you could?)

It seems that the upcoming unblocking will be the final nail in the coffin for X, a platform that has been dying for a long time now. I’m also questioning social media in general however.

In the past couple of weeks, several women on this very site have received creepy messages from the same male users. And some men have also reported receiving weird messages. (I’ve also received some strange messages from women, who appear to be on or standing in front of planes, and who it seems want to be penpals). I wonder what is Substack doing about this?

Around the same time that I was harassed online after running the MTN 10k in Uganda, a male Facebook user who I didn’t know from Myanmar, a country I’ve been to once eight years ago but have little to do with, took one of my other photos (from Uganda) and started using it as his own profile photo on Facebook.

I didn't in fact even know about this until a friend and fellow journalist alerted me on LinkedIn that she had seen them using it on Facebook. What on earth he wanted with my photo, I had no idea. But after unsuccessfully reporting him to Facebook, I begged him to take it down. He finally gave in.

Speaking of LinkedIn, I’ve also had a couple of creepy messages on it and I’ve seen other women post the same recently.

All of this leaves me wondering much do women have to put up with on social media? How much? And should we just give it up altogether?

I sure as hell will not be staying on X for the Day of Unblocking. I can’t even begin to imagine what LGBTQ+ friends in Uganda have to put up with. This report about what they face was just published this week.

Then there’s what women who have survived domestic violence and other minority groups elsewhere have to go through online…

Is it time to abandon all social media and…just stick with real life?

Other things in the past few weeks

We need to talk about Anne Frank

What We Talk About When We Talk About Anne Frank, on now at the Marleybone Theatre. Photo: Amy Fallon

What We Talk About When We Talk About Anne Frank mainly mentions Anne Frank at the end. But it’s a sign of the times that when I posted a note about going to see this play at the Marleybone Theatre a few weeks ago (that’s Marylebone with a Mary as in the Queen Mary and not how an antipodean might say it, as in “gnarly, mate”) that I was immediately told off on here. Because…Anne Frank. (Fun fact: it was an editor from my first year in London who told me how to correctly pronounce Marleybone. Of course).

The play is about two Jewish couples in the US who find themselves becoming estranged after the genocide in Gaza. It’s witty, clever, gripping, balanced and of course, topical. Highly recommend.

Pumpkin Spice is back - no that’s not a Spice Girl

From top to bottom left to right: A sign for a PSL in London, a PSL in...Uganda on the Equator) of all places), another PSL in London and a press release I got this week. Photos: Amy Fallon

I've moaned about press releases that I get that are not for me. But here is one that really spoke to me this week, given my fascination with all things pumpkin spice latte. Yes I know, I’m so cultured.

I feel like I have a very complex relationship with the “PSL”. No, that's not a member of the Spice Girls, as two Australians (one who might be reading this) asked me last year when I posted about the PSL phenomenon on X. Apparently this trend never made it Down Under because we were too busy whipping up flat whites, or we are coffee snobs or something. But the PSL - mainly how it became such a big brand and how much bigger it can become - remains a huge fascination of mine. What can I say, we all need light and shade in our lives.

On a serious note I am horrified about the breaking news in this release, given that hundreds lined up in the street for the opportunity to see a new dentist in Bristol earlier this year.

On “writing Australia”

I really, really, really loved this expat (I know, it’s migrant) personal essay by Mikaella Clements that was in The Guardian Australia on writing about Australia.

The Highgate Cemetery Pinterest board is here!

You know that you wanted it, so it’s here!

Following my post last week and my visit to Highgate Cemetery several weeks ago, I’ve been working on this. You’re welcome.

My remote working guide to London is coming very soon. And one thing it will have in it is train stations! Yes, really.

Although probably not making the cut (as you have to be able to stay there for a while with your laptop and I’m not sure that they allow that and also not sure about the power situation) is coffee shops in churches, or the “cafe in the crypt”, as they’re called. But they’re definitely getting a highly commended. I may not be religious, but I have become a huge sucker for anything that’s in a church, be it a hostel or a hot chocolate. (Btw, did you know that the latter causes tooth decay?)

Benugo at Waterloo station. Perfect for working especially if you want to get a bit of an intercontinental feel. Not sure if Cafe in the Crypt at St Martins in the Field allow remote working, but worth checking out. Photos: Amy Fallon

Have a happy weekend - and remember to live your life like some of the epitaphs at Highgate Cemetery!