Why I’m linking out, not in, for a bit.

After X became a sewer LinkedIn became the new it platform it seems. But lately people you don't know from a bar of soap treat you like their personal recruiter on that site.

One of the reasons that I’d love to be a celeb is so I don’t ever again have to post on LinkedIn. We’ve read the stories about Sharon Stone, Ben Affleck and Channing Tatum on dating apps. Where are the yarns about them on LinkedIn? Funny, they don’t exist. 

When X became a sewer when Elon Musk took it over, it felt like a lot of people flooded LinkedIn, which used to be the dork of the socials. But I never bought the argument that the platform, with its fake badges that any one can seemingly earn if they comment on a few posts (whatever happened to them?) was a replacement. (If you’ve done one of these then you do you of course although personally I don’t want to be a volunteer consultant for a billion dollar social media giant). Twitter in its old days was wonderful. I don’t know if we’ll ever see the likes of it again.

Still, I started to spend a lot more time on LinkedIn posting. Rants about freelancers being underpaid and exploited. Tips for PRs. Even holiday snaps. And I also started to try to share a lot of job opportunities and posts by people looking for work, even strangers. Even when I was looking myself. Even opportunities I was applying for myself.

I have since met some wonderful people on LinkedIn. Recently I had coffee with one. I spoke on the phone to another, who I will hopefully meet IRL next month. There’s plenty of others (including people who may read this post) who I enjoy interacting with on there. And many friends who I love were already LinkedIn connections. I’m hugely thankful to friends and strangers who have interacted with me on the platform by liking and sharing posts at any stage.

But here’s the dilemma for someone who (I’d like to think) is a natural helper and generous by nature (hopefully) on and offline. (I’m not saying I’m Princess Di, btw). The more you share, it seems the more people expect. There’s a reason why there’s a saying when you give an inch they take a mile (aka taking the piss). And it seems lately like LinkedIn is the epitome of this.

Only recently, I posted a high paying freelance opportunity that I’d seen elsewhere. I genuinely wanted to pass it on. I know I’ve benefited many times in my life from people, including strangers, paying it forward.

No sooner had I done that however when I had a DM from a guy I’d only recently connected with asking if he could have a call with me about how to find clients. It may sound blunt, but I don’t know any freelancer who has so much work at the moment that they have the time to do this. 

This is an issue that will send me back to therapy. Life is not transactional. Any time I think I’m becoming this it terrifies me because Trump springs to mind. We don’t give to get back. Karma comes at you when you least expect it.

But why must we do what is essentially free consulting or coaching for others who we don’t know? Do we owe them anything? One of my favorite journalists and freelancers, Anna Codrea-Rado, wrote a fantastic post a few years ago about charging people to get a coffee with her, which I regularly refer others to. 

Maybe it’s just me, but I also feel that there may be a type of unofficial freelancer etiquette that states that you try not to ask another freelancer who may not have enough work during a horrific time for the media and the job market generally to find them work. Or at least not one you don’t know out of the blue. On the plane they tell you to put your own oxygen mask on first, in the event of an emergency. If people offer things up, then that’s one thing. But there’s a huge difference between people choosing to give voluntarily and someone you don’t know from a bar of soap in your inbox expecting you to be their recruiter. 

In the end I thought about it and then emailed this stranger to politely say no (the time difference was also wrong) but gave him a few ideas. Maybe they were duds. I will most likely never know, because I’m yet to get any response. I wasn’t waiting around for a bunch of flowers in the post. But whatever happened to a quick thanks when you give someone your time?

Perhaps I expect too much. Maybe it was being brought up by a Canadian mother who drilled “please and thank you” into me. Or that common courtesy could be generational (a good friend who I did my journalism cadetship with and I had this conversation last year). But IMHO this is plain rude. And no, I don’t think that this man (it’s not lost on me that most of the time it’s always a male with these “pick your brains” requests) has gone missing or died. 

Yes I have the hindsight of years of experience being a freelancer to try to not burden someone who is already self-employed by asking them to be my recruiter when they don’t have enough work themselves. And of course it’s up to us as freelancers to put boundaries in place.

Asking others to help you find work on LinkedIn obviously isn’t a war crime. But I can’t help but wonder where is the awareness and the emotional intelligence to think before asking? Or if you’re going to, to pepper the request with phrases like “I hope you don’t mind”, “sorry to take up your time” and “I’ll return the favor if I can”. Or to even offer to introduce the person you’re asking to someone in their network, for instance. Because as our dear world leaders Starmer, Macron and others are most likely being reminded of again right now, there is a way of asking for favors and getting what you want. 

Most people won’t actually mind helping you out in the end for a thank you - which costs absolutely nothing to give. No one may come to your door to ask for a favor back even if you promise one. But isn’t it nice to offer one anyway if possible? Many people are happy to help others, in fact many want to. But they also just want to be seen. Am I Trump or the world’s biggest b*tch for thinking like this? Or am I just human? I hate feeling like a social media site has turned me into The Manners Police.

There may be a privilege in not having to pick people’s brains or DM strangers and ask them to find you work. If you look at what people these days are posting on LinkedIn it’s not just brains trust type requests. It’s links to GoFundMe accounts to try to survive.

This isn’t the only LinkedIn DM I’ve had lately from a freelancer asking me to help them find work. I’ve had several others. And when I posted that I had more work availability last year, I received strangers' CVs and was asked to mentor someone for free. Makes so much sense. In the past I had so many via all mediums that I decided that I had to try to monetize them because just deciding whether to answer or not let alone answering was taking up so much time. And time is money.

I know I’m not the only one who gets them and finds them difficult to deal with, because I see that many freelancers now too have “pick my brains” and brainstorming consultation sessions advertised on their sites. But LinkedIn does seem to encourage them.

But that’s not the only reason I’m leaning away from LinkedIn. There’s also a lot of people trying to sell you things. Where on my page does it say that I’m looking to buy Wikipedia pages? Because someone I’m not connected to messaged me about that only the other day.

There’s also a kind of draining and exhausting feeling that comes from being honest and authentic because you can’t be any other way and feeling like some people are lapping this up but don’t reciprocate. (Again, I’m not saying I deserve a Nobel. Nor am I revealing National Enquiry type material anywhere. And I don’t want that to sound narcissistic. Trump! Help! I am sure there’s some people on this platform because it’s so confessional, especially women, who can relate. I hate that we start to feel like this because of social media.

Some have described it as stalking and I think that’s too dramatic. But it feels like LinkedIn is becoming a tad voyeuristic these days. Why are what appears to be bots, people who have never even posted on the site at all and who I don’t know, looking at my page? In all honesty (she says!) I’m fed up with writing very honest posts about freelancer exploitation and the state of the job market etc only to have scores of sticky beaks and nosey parkers (choose your language depending what country you’re in, Brits and Aussies) browse my profile but not connect. Again, makes so much sense. (When I made this remark on my LinkedIn page only recently, someone commented that they were “digital curtain twitchers”. I hadn’t heard the term).  

The reality is that it’s these very honest posts and rants that are the ones that go viral. I do not post on LinkedIn to go viral. But lately I’ve seen posts by people giving out tips on how to do so, and I wonder what do you actually get from it besides a lot of likes and views?

Similarly, I’ve seen posts saying you need to amass followers. Yet as with real life, it’s not about the quantity of your friends, it’s the quality. The people who will always have your back. I learnt this last year on LinkedIn, so I switched off the option to allow people to follow me, and started to be a bit fussier about connections.

The truth is that everything we write on social media is public. We have to realise that, as someone reminded me recently on this very site. But for God sake if someone asked for help in the street would you just stand there and look at them? You don’t have to interact with any one on LinkedIn. But please don’t be like a bird flying in to gawk before taking off again. It’s etiquette like this that makes me think many are using LinkedIn as a Facebook replacement now. 

During the three weeks I’ve been far less on LinkedIn and not posted on it, I’ve realised once again that there is a kind of peace and freedom in not giving people access to you constantly. It reminds me of what my hairdresser, who I’ve had for the past 17 years (so pre-social media) told me: “Do you know that you can leave the country and you don’t have to post on Instagram?” Similarly, can you also do work and not share it on LinkedIn? And if you do what happens? People would have you think that you’d never work again, but surely that can’t be the case.

Having ranted about this, it’s not lost on me that there may be a privilege in not having to pick people’s brains or DM strangers and ask them to find you work, because fortunately thanks to my family I will never be out on the street pushing my bedding around in a shopping trolley. If you look at what people these days, particularly in the US, are posting publicly on LinkedIn it’s not just brains trust type requests and updates that they’re looking for a new job. It’s links to GoFundMe accounts to try to get by. It’s updates about losing their house. There’s a privilege in being honest because you choose to be, not because you have to be, that you’re going to be door dashing tomorrow.

I’m no longer convinced that you need to be on LinkedIn for work in the first place, let alone be posting on it twice a day. And I wonder if LinkedIn ever wants any of us to get off that site? I dare say that if it had its way, LinkedIn might have all of us permanently on the dole and trying to get fake badges until the cows come home. So I’m going to do what it doesn’t want us to do and break the link. Not for good. And not entirely, but quite a bit. For a while.

The good news is that it means more time on here. Don't all jump for joy. 

(Oh and please feel free to ask me for any thing any time, dear Substack subscribers, and I will not jump down your throat. Promise).